Ten Thousand Things

When  chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are  the wurst .

A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran .

I know a guy who’s  addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time .

How  does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night  to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me .

This girl  said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met  herbivore .

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I can’t  put it down .

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words .

They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type-O.

Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations .

Energizer bunny arrested. Charged with battery.

I  didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me .

How do  you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it!

Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils ?

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble .

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me !

Broken pencils are  pointless.

I tried to catch some fog. I mist. 

What  do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a  Liverpool .

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx .

All the toilets in New York ‘s police stations have  been stolen. Police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at  a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Haunted French pancakes  give me the crepes.

Velcro - what a rip off  !

Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are  sketchy.

Venison for dinner? Oh deer !

Earthquake  in Washington obviously government’s fault.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.

Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.